


discount love

by Quillium



Series: spideytorch week 2k19 [3]
Category: Fantastic Four, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Spideytorch Week 2019, also a brief cameo by Tony Stark, but it's clearly pre-relationship shenanigans, they don't actually get together because they're both oblivious fools
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 02:07:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19984282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quillium/pseuds/Quillium
Summary: “You just want good food.”Johnny sticks out his tongue, “Now look here—“





	discount love

“Just remember,” Peter says, hushed, “We’ve been dating three months and it just sort of happened.”

“That’s real vague, Parker.”

“We can be vague,” Peter taps his foot, impatient, “It’s just for the couples discount at the restaurant. The waiter isn’t going to ask too many questions.”

“That’s kind of unfair, you know. A couple’s discount? Kind of rude for all us single people.”

“Which is why we’re pretending to date.”

“Yeah, but we shouldn’t _have_ to.”

“Well, that’s just how it is. Please tell me you have semi-formal clothes.”

“I do! Or at least, Sue does. I can borrow her stuff.”

“Sue’s shorter than you.”

“Oh shit, you’re right. I’ll borrow Reed’s.”

“Reed is taller than you.”

“Oh, well, look who’s Mister Picky. I’m doing you a favour by fake dating you, you know.”

“You just want good food.”

Johnny sticks out his tongue, “Now look here—“

“You just don’t want to admit that I’m right.”

“Because you aren’t. You aren’t right.”

“Aren’t I?”

Johnny grumbles incoherently and scuffs the ground with the toe of his shoe, “Maybe a little.”

Peter leans back, grinning, “I’m right.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“And _right_.”

“If I say you’re right will you bug off?”

“Of course,” Peter purrs, “I’m right and you’re in denial.”

“I could set you on fire. Right now.”

“You could,” Peter tilts his head to the side, “Or you could just admit that you’re in denial and I’m the most brilliant person you’ve ever met.”

“Now that’s stretching it.”

“Is it?”

“I’m related to Reed, you know.”

“Alright, fair. Fourth most brilliant. I’ll let Tony and Bruce go in front of me. But other than that—“

“Fourth is pretty low.”

“I’m young yet. Compared to a bunch of—what, fifty year olds?—I’m alright with not being as smart as the men with multiple PhDs.”

“Ugh, why do you have to be all logical about it?”

“It’s what I do. I have to be, since you don’t have any brain cells.”

Johnny flicks Peter on the forehead, “Is that the right way to talk to someone who you’re asking for a favour?”

“I get a discount, you get discounted yummy food, I think it evens out.”

“Ugh, you suck.”

“Because I have brain cells?”

“Not for long.”

“My, is that a threat?”

“Sure,” Johnny leans forward, “Sparring ring. Best out of three.”

“Know I’ll beat you in the first round?”

“You _wish_.”

Peter laughs, and their restaurant plans are completed.

__

Peter orders the couple’s meal and the waitress _stares_.

Oh god. She’s caught on. Already. So fast.

He makes eye contact with Johnny, who’s smiling easily at him. How is he so calm? What the fuck?

Peter is ready to die. Sink into the ground and die. This was the dumbest idea he’s had since the Christmas sweater fiasco. Why did he do this. Why did Johnny agree to do this. Do they just share one brain cell? Is that it? Are they that dumb? Is—

“Sorry about my boyfriend,” Johnny says easily to the waitress. He’s grinning, crooked. Does he _like_ her? Did Peter ruin his prospectsof flirting with or dating this waitress because he wanted to save cash? Was this ridiculous? Of course it was, it was dumb. It— “He’s a bit stupid.”

For some reason, this snaps Peter back to reality.

“Am not, flame for brains,” he hisses.

“He’s in denial,” Johnny smirks at Peter, still perfectly at ease. Why is Johnny so good at lying and Peter such a mess? It should be the other way round, right? _Johnny’s_ not the one with a secret identity that could ruin his life and the lives of those around him.

“It’s alright,” the waitress smiles at Peter, “It must be a bit nerve-wracking, being an openly gay couple.”

Fuck. Peter didn’t even think about that aspect. Maybe he should have gone with Michelle instead. She loves scamming people.

“We’ve been quite fortunate in that aspect,” Johnny says, tilting his head to the side. He’s still smiling, “Everyone’s been supportive all around.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” their waitress beams, “I’ll be around with your order shortly.”

Peter buries his face in his hands as soon as she’s gone, “I think my heart fell out of my body and I died for a moment there.”

“Yeah, you were a wreck.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“You’re welcome,” Johnny grins, “Think you can get through the rest of the meal without doing something stupid?”

Peter groans and hopes he can.

__

He didn’t.

He was a mess, and Johnny takes great glee in telling Tony.

“You should have _seen_ him,” Johnny snickers, “The waitress said that we were cute together and Peter looked ready to confess.”

“It felt morally wrong.”

“That’s because it was.”

“Oh my _god_.”

“But that’s okay,” Johnny beams at Tony, “So how has your day been?”

“Very entertaining,” Tony winks at Peter, “I’ll have to look over that restaurant footage. For secret identity purposes, of course.”

“Why must I suffer,” Peter moans into Tony’s workshop table, “Why.”

Dum-E chirps sympathetically and hits Peter a bit to hard. He tries to remember to breathe.

“It’s alright, dearest,” Johnny bends down to peck Peter’s cheek, “Let’s go again next year. Good food.”

“Alright, love,” Peter sighs despondently, “Just let the guilt eat me alive.”

“For the greater purpose,” Johnny skips away, “Good food.”

“Hold up,” Tony points at Johnny, “You hooked up with him?”

“No. We were fake dating. For the discount.”

“But he just kissed you.”

“On the _cheek_. Friends do that all the time.”

“Friends? Or just Johnny?”

“Well, just Johnny. But that’s because the only other friends my age are Michelle and Ned and neither are the type to do it.”

“Right,” Tony frowns, “Just friends?”

“Just friends.”

And Peter fully believes that to be true for the next two months.

(But that’s a whole other story.)

**Author's Note:**

> Why are all the fandom weeks in June and July? I'm dying here. I missed KHR and Batfam week this year but I also did Natsume week, Tododeku week, Bluepulse week, now Spideytorch week? Where are the fandom weeks in August? In... literally any other month? Someone save me.


End file.
